Meetings.... Why Go to Them?

     Why go to meetings?  Because they work!  End of discussion! But for those of you who like to argue...read ahead.
     If you have been to a substance abuse treatment facility you know that it is stressed from day one to attend meetings and that it plays a big role in your recovery. Then why is it so hard to accept how important AA or NA meetings are to your sobriety?  The main reason has to do with our ego.  Most likely while you are in treatment your basic needs are being taken care of, for the most part. You are feeling apart of a small, close knit group who accepts you just the way you are. Your thought processes are becoming more clear and you are finally starting to feel good about yourself.  For many addicts this translates into, "I'm fine now.  I'm feeling great.  I can do this on my own." But hold on there!  Most likely, while you are in treatment, you are simply learning how to deal with life without any chemical substances that alter your thinking.  Any problems that arise are settled in your small groups with this close knit group of friends that you are relying on now.  It's those unpredictable "life" experiences that come after treament, that are just apart of life, that can and will throw you off.  Your treatment group is no longer a support system for you.  Your family may or may not be a support system but unless they are actually in the program their support is different than what you will get from going to 12 step meetings. This is where your meetings will help you.  Old timers in the program have a lot of life experience.  Their lives, just like yours, have been full of ups and downs.  The difference is that they know how to handle these problems without using.  They have learned how to do life on life's terms.  It's a way of life for them now that creates peace for them.  They would love nothing better than to share it with others.  That is what keeps them sober.  They reach out and help others, just like you will do if you stay the course. Think about it... when you find out something that is really cool that once baffled you, don't you love sharing it with others?
   What are you doing at meetings?  Are you sitting in the back not wanting to participate?  Are you scared to talk at the meetings?  Are you scared you won't be apart of the group?  Everyone has felt this way at some point.  This is what helps: Go to the meetings and help set up.  I compare this to going to a potluck.  If you go to a potluck and bring a dish to share with others, you always feel a little more comfortable and like you are really a part of the party because you contributed in some small way.  The same is true with helping out at meetings.  A small thing like setting up the chairs, putting out the literature or greeting people gives you a sense of belonging.  Stay after the meetings and simply just talk to people.  Volunteer to chair the meeting, if they allow newcombers to do so. Tell people you need a sponsor, several people will most likely stay afterwards to help you out.  Ask another friend to go with you.  If you find an open meeting of AA or NA, anyone can go with you to that meeting.  It always helps to try something new with a friend.  Ask someone in tretment to go with you or meet them there.
    I remember back in the day making up excuses as to why I couldn't attend AA meetings.  My excuses ranged from me not having anything in common with those people to not having time.  Neither was true.
    Sobriety is full of challenges.  Some we bring on ourselves, others are just thrown at us without warning.  Wouldn't it be nice to face those challenges with someone who has gone before you and knows how to solve it?  So, here's my challenge to you.  Try something outside of your comfort zone for two weeks that will challenge you to try new healthy behaviors. If it is hard for you to get to meeting, make yourself accountable to someone else who will hold you to your word.  If you are scared to attend, ask a friend to go with you.  If you do not have friends yet, sit next to the first person at a meeting that smiles at you.  The point is, try something different so that you are actually trying out various meetings in your area.  If you keep doing what you are doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting. You can do it!
Just saying....

90% of Our Problems are Caused by Our Own Thoughts

    90% of our daily problems are caused by our own thoughts. How could this be? Certainly, others actions have contributed much to the emotional imbalance that we often  feel when relating to others. It must be their fault that we feel this way. Right? Wrong. Here's how this works. Let's say that a teenage boy answers his cell phone at the dinner table.  There is actually no emotion attached to the fact that the teenager simply brought his cell phone to the table and answered it.  Now, let's assume that this teenager's parent had asked him not to bring the phone to the dinner table again nor talk on it during dinner and he did it anyway.  Again, the act of bringing the phone to the table and answering it has no emotional content.  What story we bring to it is different depending on our own background and circumstances leading up to it.  Are you getting the picture? Our emotions are based on the stories that we make up in our heads about a particular action that has taken place.  More often than not, this story is not  based on just the facts of the interchange or action that just took place but rather on the story we made up about the action.  This teenager's parent could tell themselves a variety of stories, depending on their frame of mind at the time. One reaction might be, "You are deliberately disobeying me by bringing your phone to the table when I've asked you not to do so.  You are grounded!"  Another possible reaction could be, "I see that you have brought your phone to the table after I have asked you not to but I trust that you must have a good reason."  Do you see the difference in the stories they are each telling themselves? 
   It is important that we are aware and become conscious of the stories that we tell ourselves.  This has a direct impact on how we emotionally react to stimuli.
   This all seems so simple.  All I have to do is pay attention to the real facts and objectively look at them.  Restating the general facts without the emotion is key to healthy interchanges.  Separating fact from emotion can be difficult. We all have filters that help us take in information.  Choosing the correct filter to look at a situation is the answer to responding without emotional termoil.  It's all about stepping back, looking at the true facts, and trying out various filters so as to see the situation from various points of view.