Wednesday, May 30, 2012

A New Way of Thinking

     Boating, sand volleyball, waterskiing, swimming… it’s summertime folks…and you know what that means? It means that once we get sober, many of us will have to change the vision of what summertime means to us in the recreational areas of our lives.  Back in the day, summertime meant boating but with booze. I cringe today thinking that we used to drink and drive the boat.  Waterskiing was always part of the lake activity but again booze was associated with water sports.  Mowing the lawn… like I ever did that but people tell me all the time that they associate mowing the lawn with drinking, outdoor Bar B Q’s, outdoor patio’s at local bars and restaurants…you name it and liquor was part of the fun and part of the vision of summertime.  Everyone, and I mean everyone, drank at any chance they could.  Or did they?  I certainly thought they did and everyone I ran with certainly did and in fact it was a prerequisite to be my friend. I had never heard of the saying, “You attract people at the same level of dysfunction as you.” Wow!  No wonder I thought everyone drank, I was naturally attracted to these people. After many years of being sober, I can tell you that the vision is still the same…. I love to go boating, I love to play sand volleyball, and I love to swim in the lake, and Bar-B-Que. The only difference is that today I can envision all of those activities without the alcohol. It’s hard to believe but it’s true. That first summer without drinking was not easy. First of all, I had to find new friends.  Who in the world wanted to run around with sober people?  They were boring…or so I thought.  What I have found out is that AA is full of wild and crazy people (the kind that I am attracted to) but they lead a purposeful life that is drug and alcohol free and for the most part is not governed by drama. How could this be?  How could summer possibly be fun without the excitement and comfort of liquor? The answer for me was to find the right mixture of friends who simply wanted to laugh and have fun in sobriety. They work a good AA or NA program so they aren’t dragging their past into their present situations.  In turn this allows them to be present in the moment without constant drama and simply look at the world in a positive light. I couldn’t believe it! There was a time when I could no more see myself sober at a party, let alone comfortable and having fun at a party without the advantage of alcohol dominating my presence. Yes, I finally was comfortable in my own skin. It really helped, to go through the awkward stage of learning the social graces without liquor, to be around other people who had the same insecurities and problem as I was facing. This way, if I messed up, no one would be judging me. I never knew that while I was actively drinking. I became so dependent on the effects of alcohol that I literally was frightened to party without it. Who was I without it? That liquid courage made life easier for this insecure woman.
     You can imagine the surprise I had once I quit drinking and actually found some fantastic AA friends. Who would have known that in the very place I feared, AA meetings, resided my future friends? So now, sitting at my dining room table were 35-50 year olds who were emotionally at the level of 14-16 year olds.  Maybe that’s why we had so much fun? It was a bit awkward but totally fun. It took me some time before I realized why we were all around the same age emotionally; hence the reason we all got along so well. Our emotional growth was stunted by our drinking. You see, every time I entered a social situation from the age of 16, my age of onset, I simply drank to feel a part of the group and consequently, I had no need to develop any social skills because the liquor was doing the trick for me.  As a result of this behavior, once I quit, I found myself acting and reacting to social situations like I did back in high school and was scared to death to enter social circumstances without the support of liquor. Here’s what I did to conquer this fear. I invited fellow AA members, who were in the same boat as I was, over to our house and we went through this awkward phase together until we were comfortable in our own skin.  This meant for many months that the parties were over by 8:30 PM.  None of us could think of anything else to talk about from 8:00 PM on and the following half hour was so painful that we would finally call it a night by 8:30. This was foreign to me.  My husband and I would party until 3:00 AM on many occasions. Now it was 8:30PM… my goodness, this was craziness!
     Slowly but surely our social calendars were filling up with various AA functions. I must tell you that I was my own social director for many years. I knew that I could not rely on others to invite us to their gatherings because everyone was waiting for someone else to plan something, so I made up our own functions and had a ball in doing so. My vision of sober living gradually changed. What I have learned is that I need really fun and upbeat people, who don’t drink or do drugs, and I can have a good time anywhere and at any time.  Together we all can find something unusual, fun, and crazy to do during the summer months or for that matter anytime,  that does not involve liquor. Oh yes…life is good!

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Speaking to the Problem

By David Kaptain, Manager, Powell CDC

Years ago I was working with a group to teens who were facing a variety of drug, alcohol, behavioral health and family problems.  We got to talking about what would happen if we could actually speak to a problem, such as Anger, or Addiction or Abuse.  One kid said "If we talk to it [the problem] it might slip up and give us the solution." 

This very insightful comment reflected an approach to dealing with addiction that has been around for a long time - talking about the problem and to the problem as if it is a thinking, planning, not-nice entity.  This process places the problem appropriately where it should be - set far enough away from the person to look at it clearly and objectively, and yet close enough to not ignore it, to address it and deal with it. 

Adults get this concept too - that you can think about and oppose addiction as the cunning, baffling, powerful thing it is. 

Check out this poem written by a man in early recovery and enjoy the way alcohol gets put in it's place!

Good-Bye Alcohol
by Randy
March 2012

You came into my life, a friend to me
All the harm you would do I was yet to see

I accepted you mind, body and soul
When all the time, ruining my life was your goal

When we were together I felt just fine
The trouble you caused was really mine

Possessions and jobs came and went away
You're always by my side, here to stay

Good times, bad times, day or night
Why did you have to start all those fights?

We would go out at night and end up in jail
By the next day I was alone - you bailed

We've been together many years
Most of which brought lots of tears

Problems in my life you helped send away
Only thing was they were back the next day

I know it's time we say good-bye
'cause one thing you taught me well was how to lie

The heartache, the misery, caused by you my friend
I want you to know, our friendship must end

Get out of my mind, my body, my soul
I am ready to set a new goal

With the power of prayer, a group of new friends
Maybe my life will start to mend